US HELICOPTER CRASHES INTO SEA, RESCUED BY ROBOT BECAUSE HUMANS WERE BUSY
A United States Army AH-64 Apache attack helicopter crashed into the sea near the Strait of Hormuz on Monday evening. Both crew members survived. They were rescued approximately two hours later by an
Rubio Arrives in India to Remind Everyone That Democracies Can Also Stare at Each Other Awkwardly
High-stakes visit aims to repair trade ties, but both sides are still pretending tariffs are love language
BP Fires Chair for ‘Unacceptable’ Oversight, Replaces With Empty Gas Pump to Better Reflect Company Values
As UK petrol prices hit new Iran war high, company says new leader’s lack of accountability is ‘refreshingly transparent’
Hong Kong Police Officer Takes Bribes to End Investigations, Hailed as 'Efficiency Expert' by Force
Chief Inspector Ho Siu-tung sentenced to 2½ years for accepting HK$1.1 million, but colleagues praise his 'innovative case-management approach'
Pope Leo Demands Tech CEOs Slow AI Development, Vatican IT Still Using Windows 95
Holy See issues landmark open letter on artificial intelligence while struggling to connect its own printer
Putin Launches 'Debt or Death' Program: Enlist Now, Your Sberbank Loan Vanishes!
New decree offers up to 10 million rubles in debt forgiveness for one year of service, turning the Ukrainian front into a financial reset button for broke Russians.
Iranian Stock Market Prices in Peace Breakthrough, Street Still Expects Plot Twist
Tehran bourse hits 18-month high on hopes of US deal, but cab drivers remain skeptical: 'They always do this right before the bombs drop'
Court Rules Goodluck Jonathan Eligible for Presidency, Fines Plaintiff N21 Million for Asking
‘Stupidity tax’ seen as a bold new deterrent against pesky constitutional questions about former leaders returning to power.
Iran Clarifies: Not Tolls, Just 'Optional Environmental Appreciation Fees' for Passing Through Strait
Foreign Ministry spokesman insists the new charges are a voluntary contribution to marine life, not a tax on global oil supply
UAE and Bahrain Refuse to Condemn Somaliland Embassy in Jerusalem, Cite Expired Outrage Coupons
Gulf states introduce new 'Selective Indignation Loyalty Program' where only non-Israeli embassies count toward moral high ground points
Senegal Appoints Ex-Central Banker as PM to Fix Debt He Helped Create, Country Braces for Fiscal Groundhog Day
New Prime Minister Ahmadiu Au Aminou Lo vows to solve Senegal’s debt crisis using the same playbook that got them into it
Gael Monfils Retires, Taking 47 Unnecessary Splits, 12 Racket Drops With Him
French showman finally leaves tennis to pursue full-time career as human Slinky
