COMPETITION OPENS UP IN THE STRAIT-KEEPING SECTOR

The United States proposes 20% of cargo value. Iran guarantees it can offer a better price.

On Monday, the President of the United States announced on Truth Social the reinstatement of the naval blockade in the Strait of Hormuz, specifying that the strait is open and will remain open. The blockade, he clarified, applies only to Iranian vessels; all others will be free to transit, upon payment of 20% of their cargo's value to the United States, which from now on — as a matter of fairness — will assume the title of Keeper of the Strait of Hormuz.

The contribution is described as reimbursement for the security services required to protect ships in the region. The region is rendered insecure by, among other things, the ongoing American strikes in the region.

Tehran's response arrived within hours. The Iranian Foreign Minister declared that the American president is absolutely right: whoever guarantees safe passage deserves compensation. He then recalled that the keeper of the strait has always been Iran, judged the 20% excessive, and assured that Iran would know how to be more fair.

At the time of publication, the two powers are no longer disputing whether the Strait should be closed, but who should be allowed to operate its custodianship business, complete with competing pricing schedules. Analysts note that competition between providers has historically driven prices down and do not rule out that, should additional operators enter the market, promotional offers, loyalty schemes, or discounts for repeat tankers may appear.

The toll was withdrawn by the U.S. President within hours. The title of Keeper of the Strait remains active at the time of publication.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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