NATO: US CUTS MILITARY SUPPORT TO EUROPE — EUROPE SAYS “OH GOD” AND GOES BACK TO ARGUING ABOUT THE BUDGET
European leaders reacted decisively by announcing future discussions regarding possible future decisions.
USA-IRAN: THE MOST POLITE WAR IN HISTORY
Negotiators confirmed that diplomacy and missile exchanges will continue simultaneously under the current agreement.
GLOBAL EXPERTS URGE CALM AFTER ANOTHER WEEK OF EVENTS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN UNTHINKABLE LAST YEAR
Experts once again reassured the public that everything is under control, despite mounting evidence suggesting otherwise.
U.S. BOMBS IRAN DURING PEACE TALKS, CLARIFIES THAT “NEGOTIATING” DOESN’T MEAN “STOPPING”
Officials clarified that peace talks and missile strikes are not mutually exclusive activities.
LAVROV ASKS RUBIO TO EVACUATE THE U.S. EMBASSY — FRIENDLY TIP OR SPOILER ALERT?
Analysts are still debating whether this was diplomacy or the opening speech of a final boss encounter.
POPE PREVOST PUBLISHES ANTI-AI ENCYCLICAL — AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD ON THE VATICAN WEBSITE
The Vatican warns humanity about AI using a fully SEO-optimised website indexed by Google.
IRAN RESTORES INTERNET AFTER 87 DAYS: CITIZENS RETURN ONLINE TO FIND 87 DAYS OF NOTIFICATIONS
President Pezeshkian signed the decree restoring nationwide internet access, three months after shutting it down for reasons that at this
New York Times Publisher Urges American Media: “Do Not Bow to Trump” — Statement Issued From Behind a Paywall
He clarified that he was referring to other newspapers.
Russia Launches 600 Drones and 90 Missiles at Kyiv, Including One Capable of Carrying Nuclear Warheads — “For Atmosphere”
European diplomats responded with a joint statement of “deep concern,” their 47th of the year.
FTSE MIB Approaches 50,000 Points — Wall Street Closed Because Americans Are Grilling
The FTSE MIB gained 0.92%, a figure which does not cover half a liter of fuel but produces an aesthetically pleasing line on a chart.
"EPIC FURY": First Military Operation in History With an Honest Name
Officials confirm that "Epic Fury" represents a significant breakthrough in institutional transparency.
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