Iran

Iran’s ‘Fragile’ Ceasefire So Fragile It Broke the Medicine Supply Chain

Patients now must choose between death by airstrike and death by insulin shortage — a sign of diplomatic progress, officials say

Iran

Iranian Stock Market Prices in Peace Breakthrough, Street Still Expects Plot Twist

Tehran bourse hits 18-month high on hopes of US deal, but cab drivers remain skeptical: 'They always do this right before the bombs drop'

Iran

Iran Clarifies: Not Tolls, Just 'Optional Environmental Appreciation Fees' for Passing Through Strait

Foreign Ministry spokesman insists the new charges are a voluntary contribution to marine life, not a tax on global oil supply

Ebola

DR Congo Deploys ‘Zombie Containment Units’ to Tackle Ebola Burial Crisis

Hazmat teams now required to carry notarized affidavits proving they are not body-snatchers

Japan

Japan’s Underworld Recruiters Adopt Gig Economy Model: 'Flexible Hours, No Experience Needed, Must Be OK With Violence'

Tokuryū crime rings now offer signing bonuses, referral rewards, and same-day pay for armed robberies—all via social media

Venezuela

Venezuelans Flee Economic Collapse for Cuba, Which Is Also Collapsing Economically, But Their Hearts Tell Them It’s Fine

New migration route swaps one socialist utopia for another in what experts call 'the world's saddest timeshare exchange'

diplomacy

U.S. Secretary of State Rubio Says Iran Deal ‘Could Take Days,’ Orders Strikes to Speed Things Up

‘Nothing says diplomacy like a little bombs-away,’ Rubio explains

starbucks

Starbucks Introduces ‘Tank Day’ Loyalty Program: Buy 9 Mochas, Get a Free Flashback to Authoritarian Crackdown

New promotion offers customers a chilling reminder of 1980s military suppression, plus 50 stars bonus

Singapore

Hong Kong Principal's Singapore Swearing Sparks City-State's Most Polite Investigation Ever

‘We are deeply offended and would like to lodge a formal complaint, please and thank you,’ authorities say while offering the suspect a tissue.

US military

Pentagon Announces New Strikes in Iran, Can’t Remember What They Were For

‘Self-defense against what, exactly? We’ll know when the smoke clears,’ says official

cable car

Tourists Stranded Mid-Air Demand Refunds, Also Elevation

'We paid for breathtaking views,' one passenger said, 'but this is ridiculous.'

Leipzig

Leipzig Students Vote to Boycott Israel, Accidentally Become Everything Their Predecessors Fought Against

In a stunning reversal, the cradle of Germany's pro-Israel 'Antideutsche' movement now demands academic apartheid, leaving old guard bewildered.

xenophobia

Ghanaians Queue for Emergency Escape Flights, Treat Embassy Like Black Friday Sale for Freedom

'Hurry up, I need to get out before the next round of 'Go Home' signs go up,' says one evacuee clutching passport and small bag of plantains.