TRUMP POSTPONES SIGNING OF AI SAFETY ORDER TO AVOID COMPROMISING THE PROGRESS OF AI

Industry executives, gathered for the photo, successfully identified the vulnerability: it was the order.

Washington — President Trump has postponed the signing of the much-anticipated executive order on AI safety, cancelling the ceremony hours before it was scheduled. The order, designed to let the government inspect AI models for vulnerabilities, was shelved after several industry executives inspected it and found one: the order.

The decision emerged from an exchange between the president and his advisers, which sources present reconstructed as follows. "Mr. President, we need to sign." "Okay, then let's sign." "Wait, Mr. President, it could be dangerous, better not to." "Okay, then let's not sign." "But Mr. President, we do need to put on a brake." "Okay, then let's sign." "Mr. President, but this way we give China the advantage." "Okay, then let's not sign." "But Mr. President—"

At which point the president requested clarification on the line to follow: "Listen, either you tell me right now what I'm supposed to do, or I'm gonna get pissed and go bomb another country. I'm hungry and I've had it up to here." It was therefore decided not to sign.

The executives, already arranged around the desk, took the official photograph anyway, to be hung as evidence of the day's work, and then dispersed into the buffet. The only vulnerability successfully identified that afternoon was the order itself, promptly neutralized before it could take effect.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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