Sri Lanka President Wins Two-Thirds Majority, Immediately Pledges to Investigate How He Won Two-Thirds Majority

Anura Kumara Dissanayake secures exactly enough seats to rewrite constitution but insists he’s still ‘just a humble anti-graft crusader’

COLOMBO — In a landslide that political scientists are calling both “historic” and “suspiciously precise,” President Anura Kumara Dissanayake’s National People’s Power coalition has won 159 seats in the 225-member Parliament — exactly the number needed for a two-thirds supermajority, and not one seat more. The margin has raised eyebrows among constitutional experts, who note that the coalition could have won 160 seats but apparently decided that would look greedy.

“It’s the Goldilocks landslide: just enough power to amend the constitution, but not enough to be blamed when the economy still sucks,” said Dr. Priya Bandara, a professor of political theatre at the University of Colombo. “If reforms fail, Anura can say, ‘Well, I only had 159 seats, not 160. That one missing MP was the difference between success and failure.’”

The NPP’s victory marks the first time a single alliance has achieved a supermajority since the civil war ended in 2009, and the first time a party has won a majority of any kind since 2000 — back when Sri Lankans still believed in things like “checks” and “balances.” Dissanayake, who campaigned on a platform of rooting out graft and reviving the bankrupt economy, celebrated by promising to form a special commission to investigate how he managed to win so many seats.

“This is a mandate for change, transparency, and accountability,” Dissanayake said at a press conference, flanked by 159 smiling MPs. “And to prove my commitment to transparency, I am appointing a seven-member committee to look into whether our landslide was too perfect. Because if there’s one thing I hate, it’s the appearance of impropriety — unless it’s my impropriety, in which case I’ll investigate it myself.”

The opposition, reduced to a mere 35 seats, has accused the NPP of voter manipulation, but their complaints were met with a collective shrug. “What are we supposed to do?” asked opposition leader Sajith Premadasa, staring at an empty caucus room. “We can’t even block a toilet paper motion, let alone a constitutional amendment. They could literally rename the country ‘Anurastan’ and we’d just have to watch.”

Even more puzzling was the NPP’s sweep in Tamil and Muslim majority areas in the north and east, where ethnic minority parties have historically ruled. Analysts attribute the shift to a yearning for economic stability and a vague promise of anti-corruption, but local voters offered a simpler explanation. “We voted for the guy who looked least likely to eat our children,” said M. Rajan, a fisherman from Jaffna. “Also, the other parties’ posters had typos.”

Editor’s note: Kevin, our editor, has been staring at the election results for six hours and has concluded that the universe has a sick sense of humor. “You can’t make this up,” he said, slurping cold coffee. “But apparently you can vote it in.”

As Dissanayake prepares to rewrite the constitution, civil society groups have expressed concerns about executive overreach. The president has assured them that his reforms will include a new clause requiring all future elections to be held in Minecraft, where votes are counted by block-by-block and no one can complain about unfair majorities.

Ispirato da: Real news: Sri Lanka parliamentary poll: President Anura’s ruling coalition wins big

Categoria: Politica

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