Spain National Team Coach: 'Real Madrid Players Too Busy Winning Champions Leagues, So We Took Barcelona Benchwarmers Instead'

In a historic first, Spain's World Cup squad contains zero Real Madrid players—and the coach says it's because they 'just aren't hungry enough' for international glory.

MADRID — For the first time in Spanish football history, the national team's World Cup squad includes not a single player from Real Madrid. And according to head coach Luis de la Fuente, that's because the 14-time Champions League winners simply have better things to do.

"The problem isn't talent—it's motivation," de la Fuente said in a press conference Tuesday. "We called up Dani Carvajal, and he said, 'Sorry, coach, I've got a Champions League final to win. Again.' Nacho? Same thing. 'Literally just won the thing—can't be bothered with qualifiers.' I respect that. We had to look elsewhere."

Elsewhere turned out to be the Barcelona bench. The squad is now dominated by players from the Catalan club, including several who have spent most of the season getting splinters. "We've got Pedri, who's injured half the time, Gavi, who's suspended, and Ansu Fati, who we're not entirely sure is still alive," de la Fuente explained. "But they fit our system—possession-based, slow, and confused by anything resembling a counterattack."

The selection has baffled fans and pundits alike. Real Madrid's Spanish contingent includes not only Carvajal and Nacho but also Joselu, a striker who actually scored goals last season. "We thought about including Joselu," de la Fuente admitted, "but then we realized he's 33 and not from Barcelona. So no."

Barcelona, for their part, are thrilled. "This is a great honor, even if our players are mostly doing Instagram stories during training," said a club spokesperson. "We have a lot of young talent sitting on the bench—they need competitive minutes. And what's more competitive than a World Cup?"

Critics have pointed out that Real Madrid's dominance in European competitions might actually be the problem. "Real Madrid players win so many Champions Leagues that they've developed a sort of trophy fatigue," said football analyst Jorge Valdano. "They simply don't care about the World Cup anymore. It's beneath them."

De la Fuente confirmed this theory. "We invited Luka Modric, but he said, 'I've already got a Ballon d'Or, thanks.' That's the attitude we're up against. Meanwhile, Barcelona's players are so desperate for game time they'll actually show up."

Editor's note: Kevin, our overworked editor, has been on the phone for three hours trying to confirm whether Ansu Fati still plays for Barcelona. He has not gotten a straight answer. He is now crying into his keyboard.

As for the World Cup, de la Fuente remains optimistic. "We're going to play beautiful, tiki-taka football. And if we lose 0-3 to Costa Rica, at least we'll have completed more passes than them."

Ispirato da: Spain leaves out Real Madrid players as Barcelona dominates World Cup squad

Categoria: Sport

Questo articolo è satira generata con l'ausilio di intelligenza artificiale e supervisione editoriale umana. Ogni riferimento a fatti reali è puramente parodico.
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