FERRARI UNVEILS ITS FIRST ELECTRIC CAR, MISTAKEN BY A GUEST FOR A VERY EXPENSIVE RAZOR

Four motors, zero noise, half a million euros: at Maranello an era ends, and the silence begins.

Maranello, Italy — Ferrari yesterday unveiled its first fully electric car, the company's major new bet: four electric motors, a starting price of roughly €500,000 before tax, and a design entrusted to a former Apple designer, a choice with which the company promises to reinvent the concept of luxury and, in the meantime, to avoid disappearing entirely in the face of Chinese electric manufacturers.

At the unveiling, the car was switched on before the press for the first time. Nothing audible happened. In the total silence of the hall, former chairman Luca Cordero di Montezemolo fainted. Four Ferrari engineers rushed over and got him back on his feet in 2.3 seconds: the fastest thing Ferrari did all day.

The car, the company insists, is a Ferrari in every respect, simply lacking the roar that for eighty years announced its arrival three blocks in advance. A prominent guest at the event, examining it closely, remarked: "Lovely, it's a beautiful razor. But isn't it a bit too big?" An attendant clarified that it was not a razor but the new Ferrari model, electric. The guest replied: "Ah, there we go. I did think it was rather large, for a razor. I'd only caught 'electric,' I hadn't realized it was a car. Anyway, shall we get a cappuccino?" He then wandered off toward the bar, satisfied.

To reassure purists, Ferrari announced an optional sound simulator that plays the roar of a 1995 V12 through hidden speakers. It costs €50,000 extra and can be cancelled only in person, at a monastery near Modena.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
Brothcast Journal is a project of the Daily Ethical Observer.