ELTON MUSK LOSES $150 BILLION LAWSUIT AGAINST OPENAI AFTER FORGETTING A DATE

Defeated by the one opponent he can't buy: a calendar.

Oakland, California — A federal jury threw out, in less than two hours, the $150 billion lawsuit in which Elton Musk accused OpenAI of having defrauded him, ruling that he had simply waited too long to file it.

"How exactly did he forget that detail?" asked a reporter present in the courtroom. A colleague reminded him that this is the man who has publicly stated he takes substances to stay awake and wants to relocate humanity to Mars, and who has repeatedly explained that he is not a normal person. In light of those premises, forgetting a deadline was deemed not only consistent, but almost reassuring.

Musk called the verdict a "calendar technicality" — the one opponent, it must be said, he can neither buy nor fire. OpenAI's lawyers suggested he have a reminder set, next time, by Grok, the chatbot made by his own company. From the back of the courtroom, someone meanwhile called him "Elton," in reference to a well-known song about a rocket man. The clarification was not accepted.

OpenAI called the suit a hypocritical attempt to sabotage a competitor. Musk will continue to follow, with concern, the progress of the company he would like to see fail and which, at the same time, he would like to resemble.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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