CARNEY DEPLOYS CANADA'S MOST POWERFUL WEAPON: A FIRMLY WORDED SENTENCE

In the face of annexation, Ottawa responds with the maximum escalation permitted by good manners.

Ottawa, Canada — Following yet another observation by President Trump that Canada ought to become the fifty-first state, Prime Minister Mark Carney promptly responded, during a press conference open to the public, with the question the entire nation had been asking: "Is he serious or is he joking? I don't get the joke."

After the prime minister clarified that "Canada is not for sale," Trump replied, "Time will tell." At which point Carney added: "No, really, I can't tell if he's joking or serious. Is he serious?" The conference ended without the question receiving an answer.

The trade war between the United States and Canada, meanwhile, is now in its third season. The contract has been renewed to see who remains in the cast.

In the event of tariffs, the government will weigh "proportionate" countermeasures — a phrase that in Canadian diplomatic language denotes a note of protest followed, in the gravest cases, by an apology for the tone of the note of protest.

Editor's note: Kevin claims to possess an even more firmly worded sentence but refuses to publish it until granted the coffee break he has been requesting since Tuesday. The newsroom responds: "It doesn't matter, Kevin. The piece is running anyway."

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
Brothcast Journal is a project of the Daily Ethical Observer.