ISRAEL DECLARES SOUTHERN LEBANON A "COMBAT ZONE," IN KEEPING WITH THE CEASEFIRE

Israel has declared a new area of southern Lebanon a combat zone, urging residents to move north and vowing to act "with great force" against Hezbollah; in Tyre, strikes have already killed at least fourteen people. Three senior officials explained they consider themselves to have full freedom of action in the south, somewhat less so in Beirut, where for now the drones merely circle the city, buzzing, as a reminder. For years the parties have regularly announced their intention to stop, with the conviction of someone who quits smoking on the first of every month and keeps a backup ceasefire in the drawer for difficult evenings. The result is a truce fully in effect, except in the parts involving fire: like a cancelled subscription that keeps charging for the main service, under terms neither party has read.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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