Hong Kong Issues Official Warning That It Is Slightly Warmer Than Normal

Residents advised to stockpile water and stay indoors as mercury threatens to reach a balmy 33 degrees Celsius

HONG KONG—The Hong Kong Observatory issued its first “very hot weather” warning of the year on Tuesday, prompting citywide panic after forecasts indicated temperatures could soar to a potentially life-threatening 33 degrees Celsius (91.4 Fahrenheit).

“This is extremely serious,” said Observatory director Dr. Lam Fung, speaking through a portable air conditioner. “We are advising all citizens to avoid prolonged outdoor activity, drink plenty of fluids, and perhaps consider migrating to Siberia until Friday.”

Local resident Wong Siu-ming was seen filling his bathtub with ice cubes. “I’ve lived through 33 degrees before,” he said, sweating profusely. “But the word ‘warning’ means I should be scared, right?”

Meanwhile, tourists from Phoenix, Arizona, were seen laughing hysterically outside a 7-Eleven. “We call this ‘Tuesday’ back home,” said American visitor Jake Thompson. “In July, we get 45 degrees and the only warning is that your steering wheel will melt.”

Editor’s note: Kevin, our editor, has been staring at the temperature gauge for 40 minutes. He asked us to clarify that he did not, in fact, cry while writing this article, but he did mutter something about “first-world problems” and the impending heat death of the planet.

The warning, which will remain in effect until Friday, advises the elderly and those with medical conditions to take special care. “We are also asking all air conditioning units to operate at maximum efficiency,” added Dr. Lam. “If you do not have AC, please proceed to the nearest shopping mall and pretend to shop.”

At press time, no one had yet mentioned that 33°C is considered a pleasant spring day in most of the world.

Ispirato da: Hong Kong issues year’s first ‘very hot weather’ warning for 33°C

Categoria: Costume

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